Kids Explaining Gay Marriage Is Hilarious

If you think kids are too precious to understand adult issues, think again. Children are wiser than most people give them credit for, as evident in this hilariously refreshing “Jimmy Kimmel Live” clip taken just after last week’s Supreme Court’s decision in favor of same-sex marriage.

One cutie gives a literal response to the question “When should two people get married?” by saying, “In the afternoon.” While another who seems stingy with dinero, reasons that marriage is NOT his jam “because when you get married the other person is entitled to any money the other person has.”

While the best “get it, girl” moment clocks in at 1:43, with one little girl beaming confidently that anybody (including gay people) who is old enough should be able to get married, adding that she plans to tie the knot “when I’m 30.”

Z-formation snaps, that’s a great answer!

“Why would somebody want to get married?” the interviewer asks a young boy at 1:53, who flatly replies “Because they’re pregnant.”

Um, yeah, um, no comment…

Why Is ‘Sugar’ Capitalized?

It’s after 7 in the morning, the day after my birthday, and I’m not sure why I’m watching an episode of My Drunk Kitchen, featuring Ingrid Nilsen who came out of the closet earlier this month.  It’s a pretty good episode about making Sansa Lemon Cakes, but it’s more about the host and Ingrid getting drunk off whiskey and being precious, while talking a lot about ‘Game of Thrones.’ I really like Ingrid’s shirt, and it’s my hope that I can one day fit into a similar style.

For my new special year, I’m setting two goals, which I really want to stick to:

1) Lose my baby, post-baby, cereal-and-bread-obsessed weight with more exercise and way better eating habits, incorporating paleo, putting the breaks on my sugar love affair.

2) Write more, get published more, more, more and more!

I’m determined. My husband bought me this really adorable mini goals notepad to help me stay on course.

This week, I plan to limit my bread intake, and skip sugar.

The sugar avoidance is doubly important to me because I feel like I’ve influenced my LO’s food preferences, immediately pointing to the ice cream truck, saying “hopitee,” or asking for “paannn” (bread in French..sort of. I speak to my son in French. More on that another time).

So, this is really important to me to get on the good foot of health, to follow through on goals, because my LO is studying me like a method actor, picking up my habits because he thinks that’s the way to go.

Am I like the matriarch in The Brood? I have no idea, because I’m too freaked out to watch it.

THIS SUBWAY LONG JUMP IS A FAIL

The Harlem Shake will probably not alleviate the stinging discomfort this U.F.T., a.k.a. “unidentified flying teenager” is feeling right now after trying to long jump à la Caitlyn Jenner.

Attempting to leapfrog between subway platforms at the 145th Street stop in Harlem, the teen crashes his half-naked body into the sidewall like a bumbling cartoon character.

Thankfully, he appears to not have seriously injured himself, and he luckily missed the high-voltage third rail completely.

Glad you’re ok, but not a good look, dude.

It’s Just A Japanese man and his gigantic 154-pound African tortoise named Bon-chan

Who’s the duo burning up the streets of Tokyo with their non-stop cuteness? This Japanese man and his gigantic 154-pound African tortoise named Bon-chan, of course!

Walking buddies since way back, it’s only recently that the 19-year-old Bon-chan and Hisao Mitani, a 62-year old funeral parlor owner, grabbed our attention after a June 10 photo of the adorable pair on a stroll went viral.

Slow and steady wins the Internet!

This Is For Everyone Who’s Ever Had To Deal With Upstairs Neighbors

Screen Shot 2015-04-09 at 10.32.09 AM

The guys over at Above Average hit a grand slam with this video entitled “Everyone’s Upstairs Neighbor.” It’s so funny, that it literally hits home with anyone that has ever had to endure the constant disturbances of an upstairs neighbor.

From dropping chains on the floor, faking sex moans, rolling metal beer kegs, and even popping balloons, upstairs couple Julia and David create “sounds” that they believe to be artistic forms of expression, all while annoying the crap out of their downstairs neighbor.

“It sounds like a baby the size of a giant is learning how to walk,” says the downstairs neighbor angrily. Yes, you’re so right, now pack your bags and move, sista!

A PIÑATA STORE IN AUSTIN GETS BULLDOZED BY LANDLORDS FOR A SXSW PARTY

98863

[REBLOG from The Flama]

A party supply store, Piñata Jumpolin, in the eastside of Austin, was reduced to rubble, unbeknownst to store owners, Monica and Sergio Lejarazu, by building landlords for a party to take place during SXSW. The store, which was in the location for 8 years, was just featured in a hilarious skit on “Jimmy Kimmel Live!”

rbz Pinata Demolition 01

This upsetting news also points to the fact that Austin is the most economically segregated city in the country, according to Austin Culture Map.

Its obviously getting worse, considering callous disregard for the store owners, and the illegal bulldozing that was done without due process of law, or common compassion.

It was the morning of February 12, as he was driving his daughter to school, that Sergio Lejarazu discovered that the store that he co-owned with his wife for eight years, selling custom, hand-made moonwalks, piñatas imported from Mexico, and more, was demolished, allegedly without warning, with their inventory still inside. Sergio describes to Austin Culture Map:“That’s when I saw it: my life’s work under the bulldozer.”

The couple, who has a lease until 2017, soon filed a lawsuit for the bulldozing against their landlords, Jordan French and Darius Fisher, operating as F&F Real Estate Ventures. Oddly enough, French and Fisher also run Status Labs, an image consulting firm. As their Twitter bio reads, “Our mission is simple: To improve your online and offline image.” They clearly need to hire someone other than their company for their cruel actions.

Protests calling for Justice for Jumpolin ensued, the planned SXSW party was cancelled, and a Facebook page called Justice For Jumpolin Community Action surfaced.

Now this is where the story gets racist, and downright disrespectful:

Property owners of the Jumpolin site since only October 2014, French and Fisher claim that they gave the Lejarazu family plenty of notice.

They allege that since October 2014, they’ve sent at least three notices via email and certified mail to the Lejarazu family, regarding defects, lease violations, and past due rent.

“They had paid their rent in full; the ‘default’ was cured even though they were not in default,” Lajarazu’s attorney Doran Peters tells Austin Culture Map.

“The bottom line is, [the owners] have plans to build on that piece of property, and my clients’ contractual right to have possession of the premises just was getting in the way of that,” says Peters.

And now for the kicker:

In an interview with Austin Culture Map, co-landlord Jordan French defends the demolitionsuggesting that the Lajarazu family don’t make enough money selling piñatas, mentioning Sergio Lajarazu stolen bicycle arrest and speculating that the family was involved with selling “uncontrolled substances.”

WTF?!

“That’s just my opinion, though,” French continues. “Say you have a house that was infested by roaches, you have to clean that up.” As an image consultant, French must be aware of what a derogatory term “roaches” is for Mexicans.

Unfortunately, the Austin Police Department will not be charging the property owners as the company has city permits to demolish the building.

The only choice is for the Lejarazu family to fight in civil court, which they are currently pursuing.

In the meantime, a Travis County judge issued an injunction on March 3, halting any construction on the Jumpolin property at 1401 E. Cesar Chavez until the case is heard.

And on March 12, Texas State Representative Eddie Rodriguez, whose district includes the bulldozed Jumpolin location, filed a bill that would make it illegal to flatten property without briefing tenants.

If this story pisses you off, there are things you can do.

  1. Support Monica and Sergio Lejarazu by donating to them as they no longer have a business. Go to this gofundme page.
  2. Ask the city of Austin to boycott “all F&F Real Estate Ventures, Darius Fisher, Jordan French and all related businesses for their blatantly racist violent actions and speech.” Read the entire statement from organizations such as NAACP and PODER here. Tweet your thoughts to Austin at@austintexasgov.

Special thanks to Christopher Ledesma for creating the cartoon we used as the main image and forLatina, for letting us know about this story.

Below: Owner Sergio Lejarazu leaning in to give Jimmy Kimmel a hug as Guillermo Rodriguez looks on.

Pet Peeves That Drive Couples Crazy

Who would’ve thought using the blender could ever be inconsiderate to someone else? However, as many couples will tell you, pet peeves between loved ones grow like fungus, especially if you spend a ton of time together. This clip strikes all the right chords in what pisses couples off most.

Inspired by the uber-precious 2001 love story, “Amélie,” Georgette and Frank are co-habitants who get on each other’s nerves with their unique quirks like scraping plates loudly, sleeping lightly and using teeth to eat with utensils. It also shows that despite how unnerving hanging out together all the time can be, it still beats going outside in a blizzard, or spending time with friends that puke in purses. That certainly counts for something!

And His Name Is El Hombre Orquesta De Acapulco.

The one-man band known as El Hombre Orquesta De Acapulco carries the weight of pan flutes, cymbals and more on his shoulders, all while keeping a beat in a way that’s entertaining to watch. He starts off by performing Santana’s classic hit, “Oye Como Va,” and goes on to play other songs.

Despite the awesomeness that is El Hombre, the fact that his performance is captured in a doctor’s office is beyond bizarre. Was he there to entertain the nurses? Guard the eye exam chart behind him? Who knows, but we still got love for you, El Hombre!